“There is no love sincerer than the love of food.”-George Bernard Shaw

I’m sort of half-assing this post, and for that I apologize. I have in the works, in my head at least, a giant rant about how much I hate the Food Network now, and yet still watch it almost compulsively but.. Well, that’s for another day.

This IS, however, another food post.. As if you couldn’t tell from the title quote. Cooking is by and large a stress-reliever for me, albeit it one that I happen to be pretty good at. I’ve already written before, I think, about that particular aspect so I’ll spare you the recap. I will say that as of late I have not gotten to do it nearly enough outside of very basic things like grilling chicken and sauteeing veggies. I’m home alone so much that doing anything fun and fancy would just be wasteful. But with the amount of stress I’ve had invading my personal bubble lately I felt like I needed to do something and thusly, have been baking a little bit. This usually also proves to be wasteful because while I do love to churn out cupcakes and cookies and other fun stuff like that, there’s no way I would ever eat all of them before they went bad. Now I have someone to send them to though, and so far he seems to both appreciate and enjoy the fruits of my culinary labors. ;)

I used to bake various types of “breads” all the time. I place that word in parentheses because I think that term is used loosely to apply to any loaf-shaped food. In actuality, what I baked was more like muffins in bread form. Banana, pumpkin, zucchini, apple.. You name it, I’ve mixed it into a batter and baked it. We had some over-ripe bananas laying around the house and of course my first thought was “Banana bread!” I went digging through all of my cookbooks and came up with a variation that was a little different from anything I’d ever made before, yet delicious sounding and so I gave it a shot.

This comes from 1999’s Southern Living Annual Cookbook, and was exceedingly simple to put together.

Honey-Banana Bread

Dry Ingredients
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda

Wet Ingredients
1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
2 eggs
3/4 cup honey*
1 cup mashed banana

Preparation
Cream the butter in a large mixing bowl. Next add the eggs one at a time, mixing after each addition. Then add honey and beat until well-combined. Mix in, by hand, the mashed banana until well-incorporated.

Sift together the flour, salt, and baking soda. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix just until moistened. Be careful not to overmix! This will result in a tougher, chewier end product as opposed to tender, crumbly, melt-in-your-mouth goodness.

Spoon batter into a greased and floured loaf pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 50-55 minutes, OR until a toothpick inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean.**

Baker’s Notes
1.* I used orange blossom honey for this. The recipe doesn’t specify any particular variety so you’ve got a little creative license in this aspect. Whatever your favorite is will work. Might I suggest giving your measuring utensil a spray with some non-stick cooking spray? This will make the honey slide out of the cup, as opposed to you having to sit there and scrape it to get it all out.

2. I added just a dash of nutmeg to my dry ingredients, more for aroma than for taste, although it is slightly noticeable. Cinnamon would also be good, as well as just a tiny little bit of ginger, I think. This is not a part of the original recipe but being that it doesn’t add extra fat or leavening agents, it will not affect the final outcome in any other aspect than taste and smell.

3. **More or less any loaf pan will work for this, you will just have to keep a close eye on your cooking time. The pan I used was slightly smaller than the one called for by the printed recipe so it took just a little longer for the bread to cook all the way through. This could also be split up into mini-loaves.. Again, just keep a close eye on it as it’s baking to ensure it doesn’t over-cook.

4. As soon as it comes out of the oven, I would suggest running a knife around the edges of the pan just to prevent any sticking that may have occurred during cooking. However, if you have properly greased and floured your pans, this should not be an issue. Better safe than sorry, though.. Right?

Serving Suggestions
I ate a piece warm with a little Earth Balance spread on top, along with a drizzle of the orange blossom honey. A glaze would also be excellent on top of this, and if you do use orange blossom honey, might I suggest this..

Mix 1/4 cup of orange juice into 1/2 pound of confectioner’s sugar until smooth. Pour this over the bread, and enjoy.

You could also snazz it up by mixing about a tablespoon of orange zest with one stick of softened butter, and spreading some of that over a slice.

AND if you do so happen to be eating this for breakfast and want to carry the orange theme all the way home (and you know that I do..), you could always serve a pitcher of mimosas along-side.. maybe with some scrambled cream eggs and maple-glazed bacon?

Those are other recipes for other times, though. Enjoy! And if you decide to try this recipe out, let me know what you think!

Reawwy Weiwd.

A couple of months ago, not long after arriving here in St. Augustine, my dad came home from work one day and announced that he wanted to go get his palm read. This was odd, to say the very least, but we set off and soon found what we were looking for. I’ve never known my dad to put much stock in things like that so it was strange that it was his idea that sent us on this adventure; however, I happen to believe that there’s something to it. I don’t know that I could explain my belief in it if anyone asked me to. I just.. do.

We eventually decided on tarot readings. I’ve received several readings before and usually acquire a little peace of mind out of it, if not a little insight into the path I’m on in life. Sometimes it’s not about seeing into the future. Sometimes it’s more about a little affirmation that you’re not just floundering aimlessly through your existence, even if that affirmation doesn’t mean anything to anyone except for you. It would be an understatement for me to say that I’ve been in sore need of that for the last year. I’ve always generally done pretty well at keeping my head up and charging onward even in the face of obstacles, seeing them as more of a challenge than a roadblock but when your life is in a complete and total state of upheaval that’s difficult for even the strongest of people.

All of that being said, I try not to pay too much attention to the specifics of readings, preferring to instead focus on the bigger picture. I don’t know that I believe that there’s any way to tell, just from the spread of cards, how many children I’m going to have, where I’ll end up living, how many careers I’m going to have, etc. I do believe that I can take away a little hope and food for thought in the message of “Everything is going to be okay.”

This latest reading that I received was no different. No one wants to hear bad news, so who is to say that the reader would have told me even if something terrible had come up in the cards. All the same, it was interesting. Apparently I’m going to have two children at some point (which was interesting because that’s how many I want), and she told my dad that he would have 8 grandchildren someday. It did get a little weird whenever she stated that I should get back into reading cards myself.. being that I haven’t done that since high school. True, I do have a tarot card tattooed on me in a somewhat visible spot, but that was covered during this visit. She also said that I’d stopped participating in my artistic hobbies (I draw, paint, write, take photographs, etc.) and that I needed to gt back into that. That’s something that I knew anyhow, but I have since picked everything back up, and generally feel better for it. It’s nice to have an outlet and hobbies, even if I do complain about being bored most of the time.

She also said that she sensed a long distance relationship that would be developing more over the summer. At the time, I didn’t think much of this. There was a person in my life that fit the bill, at least, I thought he did. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little excited at the time, at the prospect of finally having a (hopefully) happy resolution to a situation that had been both emotionally and financially draining on me for several years. All the same, this little episode was filed away in a back corner of my mind until today. I fell out of favor, so to speak, with the person who I thought would be the other half of that long distance relationship. No love lost on my part, to be perfectly honest, and I wish that guy the best in all his future romantic endeavors because he’s damn sure going to need it.

Like I said, the predictions made in the reading sort of came flooding back to me today, as I was driving past the place where we got them done. (If you have a weak stomach or are prone to gagging at complete and total fluffy cheesiness, I’d suggest that you stop reading now.) I couldn’t help but smile as I realized that that prediction in particular actually had come true, and I hadn’t even realized it at the time. For the last month or so I’ve been lucky enough to have the most amazing, thoughtful, considerate, not to mention adorably nerdy man in my life and I could not be happier about it. And although complete, total, overt cheese of this fashion is not usually my style.. I don’t know. I just felt the need to write about something other than food, and general bitchery about humankind. Although it sucks that I’m here and he’s there, we’re both pretty determined to give this our best shot, and so far he has shown incredible patience in putting up with my quirks, neuroses, manias, and insecurities, and I’d have a hard time ever finding the words to appropriately express how thankful I am for that.

It’s strange to think that on a planet with over 6 billion people living on it, some of us are lucky enough to find that one that we’re so compatible with, we don’t ever want to be apart from them. Random dumb luck, or a reawwy weiwd coincidence? ;)

Love you. <3

sort of a music post. sort of not.

The music part being that I woke up this morning with an urge to spin a bunch of the punk music I listened to when I was a teenager, namely, H20. I love that band, and it has been far too long since I did a little rocking out to them. I have no idea why, listening to them always puts me in a good mood. I’d even go so far as to say that they are one of the bands who got me through my early teenage years and the hell I endured for being such a dork but.. that might be a post for another time.

At any rate, I just so happened to listen to some of their newer stuff this morning, and this song in particular came on: “Heart on my Sleeve” from the album Nothing to Prove.

You see me on the street,
there is no need to explain,
I’m not what you think I am,
I’m just like you, but with tattoos!

Cuz I wear my heart on my sleeve,
my appearance may be deceiving,
it doesn’t matter what you think,
because the truth is in me!
This is the life I chose,
this is the only thing I know,
so don’t pass judgement on me!
The places that I’ve been,
forever written on my skin,
so don’t pass judgement on me!

You see me walking down the street,
and you grab your kids and cross the other side,
looking me like i’m a fucking criminal a degenerate lowlife,
you got me all wrong!

Cuz I wear my heart on my sleeve,
my appearance may be deceiving,
it doesn’t matter what you think,
Because the truth is in me!
This is the life I chose,
this is the only thing I know,
so don’t pass judgement on me!
The places that I’ve been,
forever written on my skin,
so don’t pass judgement on me!

You know you can’t judge a book by it’s cover,
you know you got me all wrong,
and I know my appearance may be deceiving,
but I feel…
I FEEL IT ALL,
SO DON’T PASS JUDGEMENT ON ME!

This is the life I chose,
this is the only thing I know,
so don’t pass judgement on me!
The places that I’ve been,
forever written on my skin,
so don’t pass judgement on me!

It doesn’t matter what you think,
because the truth is in me!

This was a little amusing to me because I threw a brief temper tantrum yesterday at some of the absolutely idiotic questions and remarks I get about my tattoos and piercings. Maybe I should just get used to it– after all, it was my choice to do this, and by the reasoning of some, I am openly inviting it by choosing to appear in public looking like I do.

I say that’s horseshit. I have absolutely no problems engaging in intelligent, thoughtful conversation about my body modifications. With people who have honest questions, rather than just a snarky remark. I am all about upholding a positive image of the modded community because too many people do have the idea that tattooed and/or pierced people are just social deviants, hellbent on recruiting small children into our army of chaos or.. you know, something equally ridiculous. People fear what they don’t understand. That’s a natural human response. On the flip side of that coin, you have the people who don’t even try to understand. And these are the ones who tend to ask the rudest questions. In keeping with upholding that positive image, I am never rude in response. I feel like a have sort of a responsibility, first of all. And second of all, I am a nice person who is accepting of people and their differences. :)

All the same, it gets infinitely old to hear “OH MY GOD, DIDN’T THAT HURT?!” Well of course it hurt. Its needles penetrating your skin, one way or the other. Doesn’t having children hurt? How is that any different? It’s a lifestyle choice either way. I wanted my mods, and so I got them, at the expense of putting myself through a little discomfort. And besides, most of the people who ask this question never believe me when I tell them “No, not that badly” anyway, so why ask if you aren’t going to accept my answer? My other favorite is “You know those are permanent, right?” … Yes. I was aware. This one might aggravate me even more than the “Did that hurt?” question because this is purposely sarcastic and condescending. If I had a problem with them being permanent, I wouldn’t have gotten them put on my body. It’s been almost 8 years since I got my first tattoo and I haven’t regretted one of them yet, thank you very much.

And lastly. Just because I have decided to permanently alter my appearance in such a way does not give anyone permission to just come up and touch me. I am still a human being, for Pete’s sake, and am still entitled to the same bubble of personal space that anyone else is. My tattooed skin doesn’t feel any different than my skin that is not tattooed, I assure you. On a very basic level, that is considered to be assault, so for anyone reading who might do this very thing, keep that in mind next time. I am not afraid of being touched, by any means, it’s just when a complete and total stranger thinks for whatever reason that they have the right to do it, that I get more than a little peeved. I have had this happen before and when I protested, the response I got was basically that if I didn’t want the attention, I shouldn’t have gotten tattoos. My apologies, that’s not now this works. Make a sarcastic comment. Tell me tattoos and piercings are stupid. Ask me a dumb question. Do all of the above, I infinitely prefer that to having my arm twisted and groped by someone I don’t even know. Or having a total stranger touch my chest, or run a hand up my leg. I mean, really?

Anyhow, that’s enough ranting for today. I just needed to get that off my chest. Modded people are not circus freaks, there for anyone’s personal entertainment. We are daughters, sisters, mothers, fathers, brothers, uncles, aunts.. business owners, writers, artists, employees, bosses, etc. etc. Just because we look different, doesn’t mean we feel different, and no one likes to be stared at. :)

Insert witty quotation here.

If a picture is really worth a thousand words, then this post is ridiculously long. The good news is, you get to make up your own words for them.

(c) r. smith, 2010

(c) r. smith, 2010

(c) r. smith, 2010

(c) r. smith, 2010

(c) r. smith, 2010

(c) r. smith, 2010

(c) r. smith, 2010

(c) r. smith, 2010

[As stated, all pictures are property of me (c) 2010. Please ask for permission before using. Taken in and around St. Augustine, FL.]

The geeks were right!

I woke up with an urge to listen to both Danzig and The Faint this morning. The Faint won out. The weather is beautiful, not too warm and yet FINALLY warming up after the unusually cold winter we experienced here in Florida.. Just a perfect day. Oh, did I mention that I also got a job? I’m sure that’s also contributing to this fantastic mood that I’m in. At any rate, while Danzig is excellent sing-a-long music, I guess I just needed something more.. energetic. More pop-ish, something I could shake my ass to while cleaning the house (there is nothing like being in a great mood to get you motivated for housework), something sassy. If that’s not The Faint, then I don’t know what is.

Just like smells are strongly tied to memory, I find that music has the ability to transport me back to different places and times. Although I can’t remember exactly when it was that I last saw this band– 2004, or maybe 2005– I remember the experience like it was yesterday. Both of my younger sisters were with me, and we always have an absolute blast hanging out together. Especially at shows. The Faint was playing at Club Firestone in Orlando and while not my favorite venue, it’s much better than going to some huge and expensive place like Hard Rock Live or the House of Blues.

Les Savy Fav was opening and while I still am not a huge fan of theirs, I have to say, they were fun to watch. We didn’t catch all of them because if you know anything about me, you know that I am never on time for anything. We got to see the very end of their set but they definitely got the crowd warmed up for the dance party that was about to explode all over downtown Orlando.

As sort of an aside, let me just say this. I have been to a lot of shows. I’ve seen most of my favorite bands at least 3 times. The Faint is not necessarily one of my favorite bands but I’ve seen them twice and both of those shows undoubtedly take a place on the list of top ten most entertaining amazing downright awesome live music experiences I’ve ever had. And that’s that.

The first time I saw The Faint was in 2001 if I’m not mistaken, and it was at the Social, also in downtown Orlando. Only I think it may have still been known as the Sapphire Supper Club at that time. (Can I just add that writing this is making me feel a little old?) The Social is a tiny little venue and when the band took the stage and started up, there wasn’t a set of hips in that place that wasn’t shaking to the music. It’s infectious and I dare to you even try to give them a listen without wanting to shimmy a little yourself. The interesting thing about the show at Club Firestone was that there was a visible division on the floor, a sort of dance-no dance line. Since we got there late, we ended up spending the duration of the show on this line, and completely annoying the crap out of all the sad sacks behind us who for whatever reason decided they were too far away from the stage to bust a move. We still had an amazing time, and it was sort of fun to stand at the back and watch a mass of people moving in unison with one another. That never gets old for me.

Now as I said before, the first word that comes to mind when I think of The Faint is ‘sass.’ They just exude it. Their interactions with the crowd, their movements on stage, the music itself, all of the above. I have been scouring the internet high and low today, trying to find videos of the two songs that were on heavy rotation this morning. I couldn’t really find any that I feel adequately convey the “wall of sound” type experience that I got from seeing these songs live but then again, maybe it’s just one of those “had to be there” things. At any rate, the ones I settled on at least give a good idea of how much fun this band is to see live.

The first is a live performance of the song “Glass Danse” (from the album “Danse Macabre”), live at The Trocadero in Philadelphia. Obviously not a video taken by me, being that I.. clearly was not at this show. But the audio and video are both well done, so this is what you get. :) I swear, I cannot watch this video without grinning like an idiot and wanting to dance around my living room.

And in some of the shots, you can even see that dance party I was talking about! So much fun.

My other favorite song of theirs, live at least, is “Agenda Suicide,” and this is where that whole “wall of sound” things really comes in. I’m not a music critic and don’t claim to know a ton about it, but I happen to think that this song is so well orchestrated.. It’s repetitive, yes, but also progresses, and makes use of the contrast between very soft sound and very large, loud sound to create an audio experience for the listener. Not just a song, an experience. Again, that’s just my opinion, but I really just cannot get enough of this tune. And when they perform it live, they do it against a backdrop of what looked to be old black and white war films. This not only fits with the lyrics of the song, but also connects the actual music to the video with footage that includes frames of marching soldiers. It just goes together so well. Pure genius or cosmic accident? Who knows? Who cares? I get to enjoy it all the same.

Unfortunately I couldn’t find a live video I really liked for this one, so I’m just gonna post the actual music video instead. Hopefully you get the idea. :) As a note: It’s my opinion that this song is best played at top volume. Just saying.

Sigh. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to such a fun show!

Anyway. I just wanted to share a little of my fangirl love for a band that really never fails to put a smile on my face. They’re not everyone’s cup of tea but hey, different folks, right?

Enjoy!

[Videos used without permission.]

Just a thought. (Or two.)

“The breaking of a wave cannot explain the whole sea.“-Vladimir Nabokov

“The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea.“-Isak Dinesen

The newest addition to my collection. :)

I apologize for the lack of a post last week. I’ve been going through a bit of a personal funk. As I may or may not have mentioned before (ok, I have, in the second post I made), I just moved to a new city. I live with my dad, who has been gracious enough to take care of his grown daughter until she could get back on her feet. I’m just having a bit of trouble doing that, which isn’t necessarily my fault.. It’s difficult for ANYONE to find a job right now, and I’m in a bit of a weird spot. I’m either overqualified, or underqualified. I just never thought that I’d find myself with a college degree and no gainful employment.

At any rate, to cheer myself up, I got tattooed this week. I’d been thinking about this piece for a while and it just so happens that my best friend Mary is married to a damned amazing artist, Ted Bertling. (Also known as Ted Ted King of the Dead.) I wanted a while owl which, in some cultures, symbolizes good luck and prosperity. The flowers aren’t really any particular type but were based off of the flowers of the poplar tree, which are said to have the ability to “endure and conquer,” and I liked that a lot. I love this symbolism, and felt like especially at this point in my life I could use a reminder of what I know I am capable of. A little over two hours later, I got to take my first peek at this beauty.

Owlvira, tattooed by Ted Ted King of the Dead

I absolutely could NOT be happier with this. I will admit that the placement is a bit of a pain in the ass, only because my arms are not 10 feet long and therefore I cannot necessarily reach the center of my back with any ease but that was my choice. And that doesn’t take away from the fact that I feel like this is a positively stunning tattoo and I am so excited to have it permanently adorning my body. Go ahead and drool a little, I know you’re jealous. ;)

Orange Blossom Special, done by Ted Ted King of the Dead

Coincidentally, Ted also finished a piece I’d had started on my upper right arm by another artist who.. Well, shall we just say, her final vision for my piece was really starting to deviate from what I’d originally told her I wanted. This tattoo also meant a lot to me because it represents home– Florida. I was born here, I was raised here, and someday I might move away for a while but I’ll end up back here eventually. I wanted something beautiful and personal to show the deep connection I have with this place and Ted took what was a fairly mediocre start and turning it into a visually astounding piece that I still drool over regularly. Do I seriously have something this cool on my arm?!

Mary (who is a professional body piercer with 13+ years of experience) and Ted are both currently working their magic at About Ink in Brooksville, FL (726 W Jefferson Street, zip code 34601) and can be found at their respective MySpace pages.. “Saint” Mary Bertling and Ted Ted King of the Dead. Go take a look at the amazing work they do and if you’re in the area, go say hi! They’ll also be at TattooFest 2010 in Tampa, FL this year (with me in tow :D) so if any readers are planning on being there, make sure to say hi to us!

[And just as a note.. the Bertlings just recently found out that they’re going to be parents! I want to take this opportunity to congratulate them, again, and tell them just how happy I am for them, and how honored I am that I get to be a part of this time in their lives as a friend. <3]

Play with your food!

Snickerdoodles, from box cookie mix. (c) 2009 r.smith

Being that this will be my second food-related post in a row, it will come as no surprise that I love the stuff. Food, that is. I love to look at it, I love to eat it, and I love to cook it. I spend what could probably be considered an unhealthy amount of time watching the Food Network, and I talk about my favorite chefs and cooks the way other people talk about their favorite sports stars. I don’t know if anyone else would consider me a foodie, but I most certainly consider myself a bit of a nerd when it comes to the subject. I’m not picky, either.. No, I do not like onions but other than that, there isn’t much I won’t try. That also applies to cooking. Even when I fail, I enjoy the challenge of mastering a recipe and then putting my own spin on it.

I also love to bake. I’ve noticed that a lot of people don’t care for it, and feel like it’s not as much fun as the type of cooking where you get into the kitchen and sprinkle in a little of this and a little of that as you go, eventually achieving what you hope is a culinary masterpiece to be spoken of for generations to come. To the contrary, I say that baking can be even MORE fulfilling than the “other” type of cooking because speaking from experience, there is nothing like the feeling of pride one gets when pulling a perfectly risen cake out of the oven. Or, the most golden brown cornbread you’ve ever seen. Or, biscuits that would put your grandmother’s to shame.. The list could go on, but I think you get the idea.

Revenge of the Killer Cupcakes

Admittedly, I have a weak spot for baking desserts. I’m borderline obsessed with cupcakes, and one of these days I’m going to get around to opening my own bakery. For the time being my friends and family are subjected to guinea pig treatment, as every time I think up some new idea for a cake or brownie or pie they’re the first ones forced to try it. So far I haven’t heard any complaints but then, it could just be that they are sparing my fragile ego. I think the thing that draws me to baked goods of the sugary variety is that they are just so darned fun to dress up, and even more fun to eat. Sure, plain old yellow cake is kind of boring.. that is until you pile on your favorite icing and blast it with sprinkles, nuts, coconut, fresh fruit, anything that strikes your fancy. The sky is the limit! And if you’re anything like me, the messier it looks the more you want to eat it.

While I do enjoy baking from scratch, I will be the first to say that it can be kind of a pain. There’s so much measuring to do, otherwise your cupcakes/cake will fall flat and it will still taste good, but will be much harder to dress up in all of that fun stuff I just mentioned. I see absolutely nothing wrong with using boxed cake/brownie mixes or pre-made frostings. Sometimes baking from a mix is even more fun than from scratch, because it provides a bit of a new challenge– how do I turn this into something special that everyone is going to remember, instead of serving up just another boring old white cake with chocolate frosting?

Bastard birthday cupcakes (c)2010 M. Bertling

The trick is to think of ingredients that aren’t going to add any extra moisture or fat to the mix, because these will throw the ratios in the entire recipe off and result in a cake that is either too dry, or too wet. Or even worse, overdone around the edges and still liquid in the center. Mix-ins like nuts, chocolate chips, certain types of candy (I’m partial to Nerds :] ), and coconut are ideal because they add both flavor and texture without compromising the integrity of the final product. I don’t have a set amount that I add, I just sort of wing it by adding a little at a time until I’m satisfied with my mixture. Another favorite mix-in is different flavor extracts, and I advise using caution because oftentimes 1/4 of a teaspoon is more than enough to flavor an entire cake without being overpowering.

Now, the point of all of that was to get to this, these “Aztec” brownie cookies that I made recently. Sometimes ideas just pop into my head mid-mixture, and they won’t leave me alone until I give them run of the kitchen. I’d decided I wanted to bake something sweet but didn’t really want to go to the trouble of hauling out all of the ingredients required for cookie-making, so I got to digging around the cupboard and lo and behold, a box of brownie mix! Upon inspection of the instructions, I found printed on the back of the box a “modified” recipe for brownie cookies. I like chocolate! I like cookies! The decision was not a difficult one to make. However, as per usual, I felt the need to trash them up a little bit with something unexpected yet delicious.

I have long been a fan of “Aztec” or “Mexican” style chocolate dishes and drinks. My research tells me that because sugar was an unknown commodity to the Aztecs, they mixed their chocolate with water and spices in order to make it more palateable, although reportedly it was still a bitter concoction. Furthermore, this draft was reserved only for royalty and from what I have read, was served in golden goblets that were thrown away immediately after one use. Fancy! I also have a long-standing love affair with more or less anything that involves coffee, and especially coffee and chocolate. The gears were turning. The recipe on the box only called for a small amount of water, so I replaced that with some strong black coffee and also threw in 1/8 of a teaspoon of cayenne pepper. This was enough to impart a warm and somewhat “slow” burn to the finished product, along with just a hint of coffee flavor underlying the chocolate. While the cookies didn’t taste like they had the pepper in them, they definitely felt like it, but not uncomfortably so.

Once the cookies had baked and cooled they were absolutely phenomenal and yet, I felt as if they were missing something. They just looked so.. plain. And doesn’t one good turn deserve another? So I decided to add more chocolate! More coffee, too, for just a little extra kick. More chocolate and coffee in the form of a drizzle of glaze on top of each cookie. I melted approximately 4oz of Ghiradelli bittersweet chocolate together with about a tablespoon of coffee to create the glaze. Because I cannot leave well enough alone, I also gave each cookie a sprinkle with just a few grains of sea salt. Let’s be honest, the great thing about chocolate covered pretzels and peanuts is the salty-sweet combination, so I figured that just a little hint of salt would be fantastic.

[I figured correctly! These cookies came out sounding weird and tasting amazing. I tried to get away with not telling anyone what was in them at first, only because like the vegan food I wrote about in the last post, strange ingredients tend to turn people off from a gustatory experience they may otherwise have enjoyed if not for knowing what was in the food. In the end I think everyone who tried them enjoyed them, and were a little surprised that they liked the flavor combination I’d created.

Like I’ve said before, variety is the spice of life, and quite literally in this case. Next time you’re craving something sweet, grab the first boxed cake or brownie mix you find and start throwing in whatever sounds good to you. Of course, it might not come out exactly like you expected and then you’re out a whole $5. On the other hand, you might be pleasantly surprised, or even end up creating that dessert that’s requested at family get-togethers for years to come. (And for that, I apologize in advance.)

“Aztec” Brownie Cookies
1 package brownie mix (The mix I used, and got the recipe from, was Betty Crocker Hershey’s Ultimate Chocolate Brownie mix. I have never attempted this recipe with another brand so be forewarned, results may vary.)
2 eggs
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 tablespoon water (For which I substituted the coffee)
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Pre-heat oven according to instructions included on the box. Mix above ingredients until smooth. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto a GREASED cookie sheet. Bake according to instructions. (Mine baked for right at 13 minutes, time may vary. The cookies should be “set” around the edges, meaning, kind of crispy looking.) Remove from oven, transfer to wire rack to cool.

Chocolate Drizzle
4oz Ghiradelli bittersweet chocolate (Feel free to use whatever type of chocolate you like however, I chose bittersweet because the cookies are already so sweet by themselves.)
1 to 2 tablespoons of black coffee

Add chocolate and coffee to microwave safe bowl. Microwave for 30 seconds, stirring afterwards. Continue to microwave in 30-second increments until mixture is smooth and all chocolate has melted. If the mixture is too thick, add more coffee. If too thin, add more chocolate. It should “ribbon” off the spoon at the proper consistency. I added this to the cookies by improvising a piping bag– add the mixture to a zip-top bag, and push it all to one corner removing air bubbles in the process. Snip just that corner off the bag to create a tiny opening, and drizzle as you see fit.

Sprinkle some sea salt on each cookie and then place in the fridge or freezer for just a few minutes to make sure that the chocolate sets. Enjoy! :)

“What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.”- Lucretius

Soybeans!

When I was 16 or so, I decided I wanted to be vegetarian. At this moment I can’t really recall why, and it sounds bad to put it this way but it may have just been some strange teenage whim. I “got it out of my system,” so to speak, after a couple of years.. Again, I don’t mean to sound so dismissive of this lifestyle but in retrospect I can’t help but think that it was just another fad for me. Sort of like the Sublime tattoo that I used to swear I was going to get one day. (Thank heavens I never did. No offense to any readers who may have a Sublime tattoo. If it makes you feel any better, I proudly sport a Morrissey tattoo. There, now you all know.)  I didn’t really understand why I was doing it, or the sort of committment it requires to dedicate oneself to a decision like that.

Food is a big part of our every day lives, whether we realize it or not. I assumed that if I just stuck to veggie foot-longs from Subway and lots of starches, it would be easy stuff. While vegetables and starchy foods are both delicious, when that’s all you eat.. well, they get old very quickly. Ultimately it didn’t work out for me, but I remember that when I would mention my self-imposed dietary restrictions at any event where food was present I would inevitably get the “What the hell is wrong with you?” look from 3/4 of the people present. Obviously I never really had a good explanation for why I decided to stop eating meat when even I didn’t know the reason for it, so it was hard to explain to people why I’d give up all that delicious dead flesh in favor of “rabbit food,” as I’ve heard it called.

I spent this past weekend in the company of one of my best friends and her husband, both of whom are vegan. I have another long-distance friend (whose photography and mad culinary skills are featured in this post) who is vegan. I greatly admire their dedication to their lifestyle, just like I admire pretty much anyone I come across with that sort of passion and conviction, no matter what their reason is for sticking to it. This isn’t because I don’t think I could do it. It’s because the more I’ve learned about vegan and vegetarian cuisine and cooking, the more I’ve come to realize just how complex it really is. A steady diet of salads and starches it is not, more or less any non-vegan dish can be turned into a vegan one with a little creativity and some specialized ingredients. For instance, this vegan Cincy-style chili mac.

Cincy-style chili mac. Photo courtesy of D.B. Ruzak, used with permission.

I always get excited about hanging out with the local friends because I always eat myself silly and don’t feel bad about it; aside from the occasional fried seitan or Tofutti sundae, it’s all healthy! And contary to what most people seem to believe, it is also absolutely delicious. I accompanied said friend on a run to the health foods store to purchase nutritional yeast once we decided that we wanted vegan mac n’ cheeze for dinner, and along the way we got to discussing what it is that most people have against vegan and/or vegetarian food. I’m of the opinion that 9 times out of 10, you could put a plate in front of someone and they would never know that it didn’t contain any animal products until they were done inhaling the food. There’s a definite stigma against this type of cooking and cuisine, and I just don’t get it.

And let’s be honest.. even if they DID know what was in it, what’s so weird about tofu? It’s just BEANS, for Pete’s sake! Admittedly they are in an entirely different form than the beans most people are familiar with, but so are the refried beans you get at Mexican restaurants, and I have yet to meet a person who won’t eat that. As for the vegan mac n’ cheeze that I am oh so fond of, the list of ingredients definitely contains a couple of names that will be unfamiliar to most. For example, nutritional yeast.. Which, at the very least, is self-explanatory. Anyone care to explain to me exactly what sodium stearol lactylate (an ingredient in Twinkies) is? Anyone? Bueller? Most people I know would sooner dig into a box of snack cakes than they would a bowl full of tofu.

I think a lot of the hesitation to welcome vegan cuisine with open arms is that food is such a source of comfort to people, myself included. Food brings back memories of the cookies your mom made when you were a kid, your grandmother’s heirloom beef stew recipe, that little bistro you visisted on your honeymoon.. It’s a powerful thing and when presented with something unfamiliar, most people are going to shy away. Then again, there is also the misconception that since it’s generally healthy food, it’s going to be tasteless and boring. As a non-vegan who regularly gorges herself on vegan food, I am here to tell you that misconception could not possibly be farther from the truth.

Vegan raspberry-balsamic cupcakes. Photo courtesy of D.B. Ruzak, used with permission.

As I’ve stated already, the mac and cheeze is my favorite. There is a depth of flavor present in the sauce that makes you all but forget that you’re not eating something terribly unhealthy. It is rich, it is filling, it is delicious, and it is completely free of animal products. It is also, dare I say, better than its non-vegan counterpart. (If you’re going to throw anything at me for this statement, make it broccoli, it’s my favorite.) I could honestly go on for days about all of the dishes that I love to stuff myself on but as a starting point for the curious, I think this is the way to go. And for as good as that sounds, vegan baked goods look even better.. I’d take the Pepsi challenge with these things vs. “regular” cupcakes any day of the week.

In contemplating the subject of this post, and in the process of writing it, I’ve been inspired to re-examine my reasons for why I think I wouldn’t eat certain things. (Fermented cabbage and monkey brains come to mind immediately.) I would encourage others to do the same, whether it be with vegan food, Indian cuisine, sushi.. Conquer your fear of the unknown! While I believe it’s true that veganism stems more from a choice to dedicate one’s lifestyle to cruelty-free living, rather than a simple preference for that type of cuisine, I don’t judge anyone’s reasoning for adhering to it. By the same token, I don’t judge anyone who doesn’t adhere to it, either.. But strongly suggest that the next time someone invites you to a vegan potluck, you consider taking them up on the offer. They say that variety is the spice of life, and I personally agree. Don’t be afraid of something just because it has some ingredients in it that sound funny or bland. As long as it doesn’t make you sick, you’ll be no worse for the wear after trying it.

And who knows, you might even find a new favorite food.

[Where noted, photos were posted with permission from D.B. Ruzak, the long-distance vegan friend mentioned in this post. Thanks for the support and all the help, I appreciate it more than you know! All links open in new windows.]

Do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200.

Is life more like a game than a work in progress? According to some, there are set rules for this giant pathway of multicolored squares that we’re supposed to follow through the gumdrop forest. 10 or more, at least, including but not limited to ‘Thou shalt not steal’ and ‘Honor thy father and thy mother’ although they could probably just shorten it to ‘Thou just shalt not be a total asshole, ok?’ There are clear cut guidelines and things you must do in order to emerge victorious from your quest, whether that be to clear all the red chips off the board or find out who killed someone in the library with a lead pipe. And, there is always a clear cut winner. You can play in the way of making everyone feel good about themselves and proclaim 2nds and 3rds but to get technical about it, there is only one 1st, and that’s the person who reaches Candyland before anyone else does.

Then again, for a giant game, the rules of life seem to be far less intelligible than those of their Milton Bradley counterparts. Is it ok to steal? If you’re starving to death and as long as you don’t steal from someone with less than yourself. Is it ok to hate your parents? Of course it is because sometimes parents abuse their children and who could love someone like that. And if someone reaches the destination before I do, does that make me a loser? Should I just give up?

Everyone likes to know that their suffering in life will not eventually come to naught. We like to have a purpose to everything that we do. Sometimes we inflict pain upon ourselves but only because we know (or, we think we know) what end we are achieving with it and it’s that end that matters, not the journey we took to get there. Of course there are times where we appreciate the journey as well, knowing what the end is. And knowing that if the end turns out to be worse than what we thought it would be, that we will not appreciate that journey half as much.

We respond to rewards. That is a basic psychological principle. In all things, reward is more effective than punishment as a system of reinforcement. So if life seems so terrible, why do we keep going? Because every now and again, you roll the dice and you get another turn, or you get to skip ahead a few steps. To further upon the reinforcement principle, what’s even stronger than reward is not knowing when we’re going to get it. Variable ratio, the administering of reward after no set number of times performing a certain task, is the strongest reinforcement schedule to apply if you’re looking to foster behavior that will not be easily eliminated. Not knowing whether or not our next step will lead to heartache or to elation is what keeps us coming back for more.

In the end, you just keep looking for that great revelation. The one that will allow you to skip directly to go and collect your $200 or sense of great enlightenment, whatever it was you were playing the game to win. You thought you were close the last time the dice fell in your favor, but you only got ahead two steps. And those two steps were just enough to keep you in the game, to make you stick around until the dice come your way again. Because you know that this time, since you’ve waited so patiently, will be the roll you’ve been dying to make. It seems as if everyone else in your group has already made it to the lost king at the end, and you’re barely out of the candy cane forest.

And even more important than all of that is this: win or lose, what the hell do you do when you get to the end? Gloat in your victory and settle in for a long sit on your throne? Start looking toward the next round?

Or, learn your lesson from the one you just lost, and give up all together?

[AN: This was posted in my personal LiveJournal on November 13th, 2007. I did a little editing here and there for capitalization and such but otherwise it’s word for word. I’m particularly proud of this little piece of contemplation for some odd reason, and I find myself revisiting it from time to time to do sort of a “status check” with myself. Am I still in this state of mind? How have I grown since I wrote this, and do I feel like that’s adequate? Or do I feel like I still have some work to do? Most importantly.. Am I still in the game?]